Love, me.

Dear...,

Do any of you even miss me? Honestly.. all the hours I poured into our friendships.. all the conversations that seemed as if they'd go on forever. The trust we put in each other. We prayed over our every struggle. We held each other. We talked about God then. And we walked with him too.

I saw you all not so long ago. Seems as if I'm the only one who's really changed. It's sort of sad in a way. Because if I were to come back, I doubt you'd even take me. And once you did, you would probably never listen to a thing I said. Because I'm a hypocrite. And a sinner.

Intolerence. Many people say Christianity is a religion of intolerence. But I think that it doesn't really matter what people think anymore. All I know is I miss you guys. I didn't think I would.. but I do. All of you.

Love,
Me.

i'm sorry and thank you.

Before anything, I'll give an overdue apology. You know who you are.

I'll stop saying I'm a victim of circumstance and take full responsibility for my actions. I'm sorry I hurt you. It wasn't your fault and you were enough. You were more than enough and I took you for granted. It was a confusing time, as if that matters at all. You deserved better anyways. But you should know that I did love you and for those four weeks, I felt like luck was finally on my side. For those four weeks, thank you.

A lot has changed since the last time I took the time to sit down and write.

Since then, I have hurt a lot of people. But mostly I've hurt myself. I let my own wants and needs take over, and in order to obtain what I deemed neccessary I was willing to do whatever. And in doing so, I was able to move into an apartment with Jessica and pretty much party every day. But I lost more than I gained. I lost the respect of family and friends, some friends altogether, any interest whatsoever in helping others before myself, and religion as well. But mostly I lost respect for myself.

As far as depression goes.. let's not even go there.

I met someone named Russell about a month ago. He doesn't drink, smoke, party, or anything but he's a hard worker with a big heart and he'll show you as much respect as you show him. Not many people inquire on my past and considering most people who were in it didn't make it to the present.. I don't usually have need to discuss it. Well, he did.

So I told him. And I remembered how I used to be. Genuinely happy, in love with the world. He helped me to get back to that point. He helped me see that I could find another job and I would be so much better off doing so. And that's exactly what I did.

And I can't wait to see how this plays out..