to be free

Weather's changing. I'm not. I wish I was just one person.. inside and out. Sometimes I wish I stood for something. But really I just am. I simply exist. More or less, in the end I suppose it doesn't really matter. For now I'm happy just letting that last cigarette burn out on the balcony, ridding the house of cat fleas, and wondering how in the world there's no soda or beer left in the fridge.

Is there really a need for a more complex meaning to my being? I believe that I am more than enough to the people who I love. And that nobody can ever know everything. There's more out there than we know.. and it seems like every time I tease my brain with that little piece of paper I just want even more to discover every little thing this world has to offer. So what will I do?

I probably won't go back to school. I won't become a guidance counselor or do anything of worldly significance. Because to me, that's not enough. Sure, we need people to contribute to society or it's going to collapse. But I believe I'll spend the rest of my life searching, discovering, and pouring my heart into finding what my soul is yearning for. Most likely I'll spend the rest of my life wandering from place to place, because I don't need a place.. and I don't want one. I want to be free.. like my soul. And I will be.

Get me.

The ground was moving like the ocean. My eyes couldn't find their place. And that's when I realized you're not the one for me. Because you would never see the world the way I was seeing it. If it's all in my head, that's ok but it's still real.. even if it's only real to me. It's not what you said that hurts me so badly, but the fact that I have no feelings or response in return.
But we all have to take what we're given and turn it into something. I haven't found out what I want and the only time I thought I was close to figuring it out was when I was in a completely different world. I know that I don't want you. You hinder my mind and my spirit. I know that what I want is unobtainable but I'll probably spend my life trying anyways. I know someone will get me.. and it will be worth it.