fail.

So Laura came up today from Charleston to get a puppy.

We went to the flea market and she got a little poodle. Then we brought it to the river, lit up, layed out, and decided on our matching tats. Pretty good day. Until I suddenly came to the realization that I left my wallet in her car while we were hanging out and she drove all the way back to Charleston before I realized it was gone. So tonight I'll be driving down to the beautiful city to get it back.

It's cool, though. Aleks and Junior are going to accompany me in my car, which I finally paid off. Party ride.
Should be a good time.

sometimes..

you meet really cool people. Sometimes you meet one genuinely good person that makes you reconsider if humans are all bad. I met one of those people Thursday at a random dance party at NBT. And he absolutely makes my little heart melt.

Last night I realized that I was happier in a house partying with a bunch of people I didn't know (amazing people, by the way) than I've been in a while. We drank, we smoked, played beer pong, and sat on the screened in porch talking, went to Sonic and sat with Josh W. in his truck for over an hour talking about life in general. I listened to his music, ate a burger (which he paid for- nice for a change. I'm always paying for my own stuff.) Then we went back to the house and partied the rest of the night. And at the end of the night he walked me back to my car.

It was a good time. Life can be ok sometimes.

Today is my dad's birthday and my whole family will be over tonight. Jason, my sister's fiance, is cooking steak (cuz he's a champ), and my mom made her famous (at least famous in our family) lemon poundcake. Which is the best thing in the world to come home to when you're munching out, by the way. I'm just enjoying spending time with them. I don't do that enough anymore.

New Tattoo

I was clawing his arm while the most frustrating sound was resounding between my ears. I'd been waiting what seemed to be forever and it was finally time. It hurt so bad but felt so good. Like a knife dragging good electricity through my skin. And I looked in his eyes. Those deep blue eyes always brought me some kind of peace. I knew him once. He was home to me.. and love.

To find love again

To know love..

Take only what you need from me.

between here and there.

My words are weak.
But my heart is strong.

Useless drunken late-night apologies. My compliments and all of my promises are as good as acid. At this point, I'd do anything. But when I can hardly even make out what's around or in front of me, what in the world am I doing looking back? Surround me in yourself and even if I am to suffocate I swear I won't say a word. Speak truth to my soul- so I will know it's there.

The house.. seems like that's the only thing on my mind lately. I have enough money now and it's definitely happening. No doubt about it. So if anybody has any furniture they don't need hit up one of us- me, Laura, or Jessica.

I miss having a safe place. Safe arms.
I want a relationship with somebody who I can relate with.
And I want it to last.

Standing there with nothing on..

I've learned that people can turn on you in a second.
And that you learn the most about yourself when they do.

Life is changing and that's alright with me. You don't have to respect what I do, just respect who I am. And if you're not going to respect that I definitely don't want you in my life anyways. I mean.. you can say all you want but guess who's not going to have loans to pay back when she gets out of school? Guess who's going to have a house with amazing roomates that she can relax at all day if she wants to? Guess who's going to have awesome parties and tons of tequila in the fridge at all times?

Don't try to apologize now.. you said what you meant.
And don't come knocking on my door when I'm living there.
I swear, don't do it.

melt my little heart.

I'm growing. I'm learning. I'm changing.

I need to clean my car out today.
And my room.
And go see my sister.

You know how Bob Marley had like 20 different species of bugs in his hair?
I feel like I have 20 different people inside of me. And they really need to get out.
That's what she said.

I don't need a relationship.
I got my friends and that's all I need.
Yeah, I'm alright without the heartbreak.

I just had a chicken salad sandwich.
It was absolutely delicious.
Or as my dad said, "Word to your sandwich."

Moving out soon.
Gonna sit right out on my front lawn.
Sipping a beer and waving at the 5-0.

Making lots of money lately.
And I don't really care if you don't like my job.
Cuz I'm still making bank.

And I don't give a rat's ass what you think. :)